Before Words: How Language Really Begins

One of the things parents say to me most often is, "She understands everything — she's just not talking yet."

And I always find that a meaningful place to start. Because so much of what matters in language development is already happening long before a child says their first word.

When I sit with a young child who isn't talking yet, words are rarely the first thing I'm looking for. I'm watching for something underneath that — the quieter skills that come before speech and make it possible.

We call these prelinguistic skills. The term sounds clinical, but really it just means the building blocks that come before words. Things like making eye contact, pointing, sharing attention, imitating sounds and gestures, taking turns in a back-and-forth.

This is something I come back to constantly with families: words are not the starting point, and they were never the end goal. If a child isn't yet showing these earlier skills, those are what we focus on first — because first words can't really take hold without them. The goal isn't simply to get a child talking. It's to help them understand language, connect with the people around them, and feel like communication is something worth reaching for.

So before words, here's what I'm paying attention to.

Whether a child shares attention with me

One of the earliest things I notice is whether a child looks to share a moment with another person — not just looking at something, but looking back at me to say, without words, did you see that too?

This is joint attention, and it's one of the most important things I watch for. When a child points to a dog on the street and then turns to find your face, or holds up a toy to show you, they're communicating something sophisticated. They're inviting you in.

When that skill is still emerging, it's often where we begin. I follow the child's lead, notice what they notice, and stay in those shared moments a little longer than feels natural — because that shared focus is the soil everything else grows in.

Whether language is connected to anything real

Children don't learn words in the abstract. They learn them because words start to mean something — because they're tied to real actions, real objects, and real moments happening right in front of them.

This is why I talk so much with parents about the everyday stuff. "Splash" in the bath. "Up" when you lift them. "All done" at the end of a meal. When language is attached to something a child can see, feel, and do, it starts to take root. The same simple words, in the same real moments, over and over — that repetition is doing more than it looks like it is.

Whether a child is taking turns with me

Long before children have words to fill a conversation, they can practice its rhythm.

I watch for imitation — whether a child copies a sound, a silly face, an action — and I do a lot of imitating myself. When I copy a child's sound back to them and wait, I'm showing them that communication goes both ways. That what they did landed. That their voice matters. You can often see it click for them, and they'll do it again, and just like that we're having a kind of conversation.

Gesture matters here too. Pointing, reaching, waving, showing — these are usually some of the first ways a child communicates on purpose. A child who can't yet talk but reaches for what they want and looks to you is already initiating, already connecting. That's communication, even without a single word.

What I want parents to know

You don't need to engineer special language moments. You're already in them.

Bath time, meals, a walk around the block, a few minutes together on the floor — these are where early language actually develops. Not because they're perfectly planned, but because they're shared and real.

And if your child isn't showing these earlier skills yet, that's not a reason to panic — it's just information. It tells us where to begin. The work before words is some of the most important work there is.