What Parents Don’t Always Realize I’m Observing During an Evaluation

Long before we get to standardized testing, children are telling me so much through the way they enter the room, approach play, respond to uncertainty, and seek connection

Those questions matter, of course. But during an evaluation, I’m often paying just as much attention to the quieter moments.

I notice how a child responds when something feels hard. Whether they look toward a parent for reassurance. How they communicate before they have the exact words. Whether they try again after being misunderstood or simply move on. I notice how they transition between activities, tolerate unpredictability, and connect with the people around them.

And very often, I’m paying close attention to play.

I may notice whether a child naturally invites another person into their play or prefers to stay in their own world. Whether they imitate actions easily, build on ideas, use pretend play spontaneously, or become stuck when something changes unexpectedly. Some children connect socially through play long before they are consistently using spoken language. Others may have strong vocabulary, but struggle with the back-and-forth flow that helps play feel shared and interactive.

Sometimes I’m noticing the moments between the “tasks” just as much as the tasks themselves. How a child reacts when I change the rules of a game. Whether they stay engaged when language becomes less structured. If they use gestures, humor, eye contact, or movement to keep an interaction going.

I may see a child who answers direct questions beautifully, but has difficulty using language more spontaneously during play. Another child may seem hesitant at first, then slowly open up once they feel comfortable and understood.

Standardized assessments are one important part of the picture, but they are never the whole picture. Communication is closely connected to regulation, confidence, sensory processing, attention, relationships, and a child’s ability to feel understood within an interaction. The most helpful evaluations look at the child as a whole — not simply a score sheet.

I’m also paying attention to the dynamic between a child and their caregivers. Not from a place of judgment, but from a place of understanding. Parents know their children deeply, and often come in carrying months — sometimes years — of questions or uncertainty. Part of my role is helping families make sense of patterns they may have noticed intuitively, but struggled to fully put into words.

My goal during an evaluation is never to reduce a child to a set of scores. It’s to better understand how they connect, communicate, and move through the world so we can support them in a way that feels thoughtful, individualized, and meaningful.

In many ways, that’s part of the process too — helping families better understand not just what their child is doing, but why.